Have you ever asked God that question? Or perhaps, like me (sometimes), you feel guilty for asking, so you think it– just in the event it’s the one time the all-knowing God overlooks that particular thought? I know God is working all things together for my good and that He already has an answer before I even ask the question. Yet, there are definitely moments when what I know…when all that I have personally witnessed in my brief life is difficult to recall. There are moments when I feel forgotten; when I feel as though God is taking a break with my story and has forgotten to return from answering everybody else’s prayers.
Several times, this past weekend, I started praying and then I would stop. I thought things and had questions that I didn’t speak. Some of the questions I felt guilty about. I mean, who am I to question God? My heart is beating. There is a beautiful little girl down the hall who gives me the best hugs in the world, and who looks beyond my very public faults and lets me know that she loves me. We ate dinner tonight and I had enough gasoline in the car to get to work and back home. So, last night’s prayer time was just difficult. But I pressed in and was verbally transparent about all that I was thinking and feeling. No whirlwinds, grains bowing down, or dreams about animals eating one another (read the Old Testament!). Yeah, I was hoping for a road map from God about what He’d like me to do next. And no, it didn’t manifest itself…yet.
And so, as I sat in my recliner this afternoon, some truth found its way into my heart—walking by faith doesn’t always mean it feels great or that we “see” it all. This isn’t like the time before. Nope! This is like the journey God wants me on right now. God is definitely “here”, walking with me through uncertain moments, reminding me of what is true, loving me in my doubt and despair and patiently listening when the words just don’t come out the way my heart wants to share. He is also “there”, finishing up the last touches of the big reveal of what is still to come. I can trust Him.
“….for we walk by faith, not by sight”
2 Corinthians 5:7