We have been relaxing at my parent’s home for a couple days and the time off of the day-to-day schedule has been wonderful. Going to bed, well past my bed time, last night, I opened up my email and read the following email from a parent at my school.
I wanted to share something with you that I have never shared with you, and I think about this quite often actually. I just never really new if I should, or maybe how, but it just left an impression on my heart and I thought about it and thought there’s nothing wrong with it, and I would be more than pleased to know if this was one of my children. On many occasions in my car or at my house, and no matter what the three of us were doing or discussing or just silence in the car, Fee would just mention out of topic that her mommy was in heaven. Of course a persons first reaction to hearing that especially from a child is a gut wrenching in sadness. But I looked in my rear view mirror and asked her again what she said in case she didn’t so I wouldn’t respond without knowing for sure thats what she said. So she said it again and honestly that gut wrenching heart in my stomach feeling went away, and she could see my face in the mirror as I did hers, and I just smiled big and in a happy mom voice I said isn’t she so lucky to be up in Heaven with God and Jesus???? How lucky is she to be in such a beautiful happy place and be so beautiful and happy in Heaven and never ever sad or mad or get any boo boos. Her face lit up as well as Aubrey’s with looks of excitement and of course I believed all the words I was saying but I didn’t know if she would or even know what I meant by lucky, you know? At that moment I pictured Aubrey in the backseat of someone’s car saying that about me and I thought, how would I want another woman or anybody alone with my child to react and respond with their answer, and thats exactly what I would want them to hear. I would want them to think and believe I am lucky and beautiful and happy in Heaven with Jesus. I also said God and Jesus wants us to look forward to when we go to Heaven and never think any differently and that her mommy is always there and would never want you to afraid of Where she is at cause you will see each other again.
I am sharing this with you because it speaks volumes that at her age last year she was happy about that and trusted and believed my answer. Which tells me of course that’s what you discuss with her as well. I wish all children and adults for that matter could look at Heaven the way we do. Its the only way I’m sure to get through it. So whatever you have said or done or continue to do with Fee about her mommy is so great. Im sure its not always and wasn’t always an exciTing time because we are human and feel no matter how much we believe. It is such a big conversation, but she really opened my eyes to the reality of it. I kid you not, from that moment on, I would speak to my kids that exact same way about anybody who is a believer that goes Home to Heaven and she would bring it up again at different times I think because she was excited to hear me say it in excitement and she was happy about that. We always glorified it because we don’t want them to be afraid when a loved one passes away. I commend you on your bravery and the courage you have. I was so happy that she got excited about it. Plus Aubrey got to hear it as well and It really is a great example not only for Fee, but for all that know the both of you personally. She is a great little girl and God really did send you to a great place with her to grow in your lives. Thank you and I Merry Christmas! !!
From the moment I shared with Felicity (Dec. 9, 2012) that her mommy had died and gone to heaven, we have walked together through one of the most difficult experiences life has to offer. Obviously, this journey is far from over. But what a gift! What a joy to know that this bold, beautiful heart is impacting the lives of those in her preschool car pool! Last year, Jaime’s gift to me for Christmas was snow. She knew how much I loved snow and made sure to put in the order for a white Christmas. This year, she knew I needed a little reminder of how blessed I am to be Felicity’s father and to be reminded of the gift she is to my life as well as in the lives of others. Thank you God for the gift of my beautiful, strong-willed, funny, sweet-spirited Felicity Grace Hilton, and for the impact she is going to make (already making!) on those she encounters in the life she has ahead of her.