I know there are some who do not believe dreams have meaning and/or that God does not share things with us through dreams anymore. Since both of those beliefs do not change how we can know Him and spend endless days with the Lord, it is not my intention to argue my point. You see, I do believe God speaks through dreams. After having personally watch God do amazing things in the life of my family, in the midst of such an intense loss, I do not want to make Him small. If He chooses to speak through dreams, then it is another way for us to know He is sovereign and deserving of all glory. That is the reason I share this with you. A couple weeks ago, I had two dreams that would initially bring tears and then a change in my heart.
In my first dream, I was sitting in front of my laptop, logged in to Facebook. I was shocked to see that I had a new message from Jaime! As I opened it up, I could hear her voice reading the words to me. Her voice was so beautiful as she read to me. “James, did you see the scar they left on my head?” she said in her classic Jaime sassy voice. I responded back, “Jaime, you know you don’t have any scars anymore.” I could hear her smiling back as she said, “I know! My hair is gorgeous, too!” I smiled so big because the last time I saw Jaime, she was bald. The thought of her heavenly full head of hair was just a beautiful thought. Although I couldn’t believe I was speaking with Jaime, and that neither one of us mentioned the obvious – that she was gone, Jaime said, “I saw that monster bush you pulled from the yard.” I didn’t say a word. I couldn’t believe she mentioned something recent. I could “hear” her smile as she said something to me I haven’t heard from her lips in a long time…”What a guy!” This was something I would hear Jaime say to others about me and it always made me so proud to be her husband. It meant the world to hear her say it again…and the “screen” went blank.
Then, I was in my backyard and there was my dad. I hadn’t seen him since May 2008, and yet there he was. He walked over to me and said, “You need to get that screen fixed before the bugs get in.” In the present, the screen on my backdoor is torn and in need of repair. “I know Dad,” I replied, again, not mentioning the fact that a great deal of time and “life” had transpired since we last saw one another. “You can go to Lowes and get it fixed.” my Dad said. As I was replying, I woke up.
My eyes were immediately filled with tears and it was a serious chore to get in the shower. I cried and cried as I heard Jaime’s voice play over and over. Oh, I wished I had told her how much I missed her and that I love her and that Felicity loves her…but I didn’t. She had said so much with so few words. My whole morning was thrown off by the visits of my late wife and dad. I shared the dreams with a friend and how they “troubled” me. “Why are these dreams a bad thing?” she said. The pain of hearing my wife’s sweet voice and seeing my dad made it difficult to see the good in either dream. However, because I do believe dreams have a purpose, I strongly believe that both dreams were a specific reminder from God that He loves me and He is fully aware of the pain of my heart and the loss from this life. Some might reason, “Well, you wanted to hear from Jaime so bad that you made yourself dream about her.” I have had only two dreams about Jaime since she died and know for certain that I have wanted to hear from Jaime…the Jaime I grew up with, fell in love with, and spent endless hours talking with…I have wanted to hear from that Jaime since I began losing her. So, no, it wasn’t my desire to hear her voice that caused the dream. I want her to call me right now. I want her to sit beside me and just talk about politics, music, and how beautiful and hilarious Felicity is, but that doesn’t happen. My will has nothing to do with what happened. I am so grateful God allowed me to hear her voice again and to even have the special moment with Jaime mentioning that hideous bush that once was in the front yard. Her saying, “What a guy!” brought back so many wonderful memories.
And what about the dream of my father? Something would come of that in the days ahead…