In Heaven with Cheeze-Its

A common question I am asked is “How is Felicity doing?”  For a three year old she is doing quite well.  The week Jaime died, Felicity stayed with a friend.  When she came home that Sunday afternoon, we were playing in Felicity’s room and I shared with her that mommy wasn’t coming home and that she had gone to heaven with Jesus.  Felicity’s response was, “Ok” and we went back to playing Barbies.  Since then, Fee will sometimes just break the silence with whomever and definitively state, “Mommy’s in heaven with Cheeze-Its.”  We are still working on letters and sounds at home!  Besides, it is somewhat cute, isn’t it?  We sit and look at pictures a lot and I am very open with Felicity in saying, “I miss mommy.”  Truth is very powerful and I believe it will help Fee in the days and years ahead as she begins truly understand the depth of her loss.  Fortunately, I have so many more things (pictures, writing, things Jaime specifically set aside for her) to share with Felicity that will help her have a small idea of how amazing her mother was.  I often get odd looks and have even been corrected when I have said, “I’m not worried about Fee.”  Those quick to correct or shoot me a dirty look, I guess, hear me saying, “I don’t care about Fee.”  In reality, I do not sit around and worry that Jaime’s death will cause Felicity to become an angry child, troubled teenager, and single, secluded adult.  Do I think Felicity is going to get angry about the loss of her mother?  Yes!  Will Felicity one day just fall apart by the truth that she won’t get to crawl up in her mom’s lap and just love on her?  She might.  Could there be some resentment that she doesn’t have personal memories of her mom and has to rely on the memories of others?  Yes!  The last time I checked, Felicity is a human – with human feelings and emotions.  The reason why I do not dread the future, though, is because Felicity will never be alone in sharing how she feels about her loss.  As she grows and experiences life, and the pain of the loss of her mother’s life, I’ll be here for her – to listen to the anger, the resentment, the tears.  We will comfort one another, remember and cherish the memory of Jaime’s life, and be reminded of the truth that Yes! Yes!  Mommy is in heaven with Cheeze-Its! 

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